Monster Monday: Jason Voorhees

Let’s say you’re in the woods camping with some friends. You’re having a good time, drinking and laughing it up. Maybe even smoking a bit of weed. Ah to be young again. Everything’s going great, then you and your girl decide to have some sex. Damn, you’re dead.

That simple premise launched one of the biggest horror franchises of all time in the way of Friday the 13th, and one of the most iconic horror monsters ever. Jason Voorhees.

ki-ki-ki-ma-ma-ma…yes, that Jason Voorhees.

Sporting a hockey mask and wielding a knife Paul Hogan would be jealous of, Jason Voorhees slashed his way into our hearts beginning in 1981 with Part 2 of the series (Pamela Voorhees was the killer in the first one, remember?). There have been a total of 12 films in the franchise so far, and Big J has racked up a body count of more than 150 people. Using not only his knife, but spears, sleeping bags, wire, an axe, and I could go on and on but I won’t.

The only thing you need to know is that Jason Voorhees is one bad mofo. Like Michael Myers, Voorhees stalks his victims slowly, but unlike Myers, Voorhees isn’t out to mess with your head, or play with you. He’s out to slaughter your ass, spilling as much of your blood as possible. You can run, but he will find you, and no matter what you do to him, he will not die. You can blow him to Kingdom Come, and some how, some way, he’ll find a way to come back. Even if nanobots have to put him back together like Humpty Dumpty.

One of the things that makes Jason unique though, is that most people actually find themselves cheering for him. They can’t wait to see how he is going to kill his next victim. Of course, that’s probably because the kids are so dumb and stupid that you can’t wait for them to bite it, but that’s besides the point. He has gone beyond being a mere monster, to almost being the hero. Something that is rare in the horror genre. Make no mistake though, Voorhees is a monster, and he will stop at nothing to kill you. He’s the Terminator of horror movies.

We salute you, Jason Voorhees, for all that you have contributed to our nightmares, to our midnight walks, and to the game of hockey. You may be a monster, but you’re our monster.